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8 Reasons Deej is Becoming a Priest

After reading Deej's reasons for becoming a priest I'm mad at myself for allowing myself to get married and have all these kids. If I knew being a priest was this cool I'd a done it ages ago:

Yes, I am going to seminary to study for the priesthood, and some of you will, no doubt, want to know why. I list my reasons here:

1.Power. Over you, specifically. One aspect of the priesthood has a particular appeal to me, and that's the ability to exert control over superstitious parishioners via their deceased loved ones. If you don't do what I say, or give me sufficient money, I'll have the ability to cast your dead relatives from purgatory into hell. Think about that for a minute and then tell me who wouldn't want to be a priest.

2.Wealth. Speaking of sufficient money, we all know the Vatican has gigantic vats full of it, so much that if the Church only opened her greedy coffers, she could instantly solve all the world's problems with her enormous monetary assets and still have enough left over to fund an ill-fated space program involving flying cathedrals and confused nuns. Fortunately, she's not going to do that, because every good bishop knows money was made for swimming in, Scrooge McDuck style. As a mere priest I won't have a big vat of moolah like the pope, but I'm sure I can acquire a small bathtub full, which is sufficient for my modest needs.
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1 comments:

Lee Gilbert said...

Patrick, I put up a similar response to "Deej" on his blog. His "Eight Reasons" elicited the responses in his com box that I refer to here.


D.G.D."Deej" Davidson,

Just happened across this post. A couple of things

1. Several months ago Fr Vincent O.P. of Holy Rosary Parish in Portland wondered aloud if God does not work miracles in our age as plentifully as n Medieval times in part because we treat holy things too lightly. In my opinion this is just a huge problem, so much part of our way of thinking that we cannot even see the problem . We Americans have a very highly developed comedic sense. Sixty years of Jack Benny, Johnny Carson and Jay Leno will do that, but His ways are not our ways nor our thoughts His thoughts. Holy things should not be treated lightly, ever, for that is to profane them. Profaning holy things is sacrilege.


2. St. Thomas Aquinas says that the jocose lie is a sin, but among these are satire and irony. Why is it a sin? Because it breaks down communication between people. When reading your piece, I could not tell if you were trying to level serious charges against the Church under cover of humor or not. The question for me was, If this is satire, HOW MUCH of it is satire? Many years ago I knew a priest from Lithuania who often used irony and satire in his ordinary conversation, but the result was devastating. Thinking that his real thoughts were obvious, he would say yes when he meant no, and no when he meant yes. In the end he left the priesthood feeling very misunderstood by his parishioners-and in fact no one knew him, nor could they.

3. Writing to Timothy St. Paul says, “Use serious and sober words to which no one can take exception.” But in *diametric opposition* to this counsel of the Holy Spirit you treat the holiest things possible in very objectionable terms.


4. Many years ago I asked my ten year old son what, “A word to the wise is sufficient, “ means. He said, “You don’t need to tell a smart person twice.” Nevertheless, take another look at Anonymous’objection and his qualifications. Obviously he cannot reveal his name. Equally obvious is the fact that a priest was addressing you, a priest who has the spiritual direction of seminarians! This seems to me practically an intervention of Divine Providence on your behalf, offering you excellent counsel to take to heart before going to the sem.

5. You reply to him with your customary lightmindedness, apparently under the impression that your post was an instance of self-deprecating humor. It was not, unless you consider the Church to be a kind of other self that you are free to deprecate. But this is absurd.

6. In response to Anonymous’ charitable remonstrance you write,

“I appreciate your effort in forming new priests. I hope, in the process of forming them, you are not teaching them to take themselves too seriously. There is a time for somberness, of course, but there is also a time when priests and rulers must be cast down and a fool crowned king for a day. All things in their due season”

Leaving to one side the literary pretensions, alarming enough in themselves, underlying this impertinent and-to put it gently- absurd paragraph, I hope you don’t imagine that Anonymous, I or any other critic is on the side of “somberness” while you are the misunderstood champion of joy. No, you attempted to write an over the top humorous piece that could only make grown-up Catholics wince.

So take the ensuing hits like a man, learn from them, and go off to the seminary in the joy of the Lord…

Or, put it off for a year or two.

All the best,

Lee Gilbert


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